Lesson 15: Japanese Etiquette & Politeness

Polite Request Expansions (〜ていただけますか？, 〜くださいますか？)

In Japanese, polite requests have multiple levels of formality. You've already learned 〜てください, but there are more polite forms used in formal settings or when speaking to superiors.

Levels of Politeness in Requests

General requests typically become more polite as they become more indirect, with ultra-polite forms often using negative questions.

Basic Polite

More Polite

Very Polite

Ultra Polite

1. Using 〜ていただけますか？

This is one of the most polite request forms. It's based on the honorific verb いただく (to receive) and implies that you would be grateful to "receive" their action.

Formation: Verb て-form + いただけますか？

Examples:

2. Using 〜てくださいますか？

This uses the honorific verb くださる (to give) in its polite form. It's slightly less formal than いただけますか but still very polite.

Formation: Verb て-form + くださいますか？

Examples:

Adding Extra Politeness

For even more formality, you can use:

1. 〜ていただけませんか？ (negative question form)
2. 〜ていただけますでしょうか？ (adding でしょう for uncertainty)
3. 〜ていただけませんでしょうか？ (both negative and uncertainty)

Example: 説明せつめいしていただけませんでしょうか？
"Would it be possible for you to explain it to me?"

Cultural Note:
In Japanese business and formal settings, the more polite your request, the better. Using these highly polite forms shows professionalism and respect for hierarchy. However, among friends or family, these ultra-polite forms might create unnecessary distance.

Apologizing in Japanese

Apologizing appropriately is essential in Japanese culture, where maintaining harmony is highly valued. Different situations call for different levels of apology.

Common Apology Expressions

Levels of Politeness in Apologies

Apologies in Japanese vary widely in formality level, from casual expressions among friends to extremely formal phrases used in business and official settings.

Casual

Standard

Polite

Very Polite

Extremely Polite

Examples in Context

Physical Gestures When Apologizing

In Japanese culture, apologies often include bowing
(お辞儀じぎ - ojigi)
The depth and duration of the bow typically corresponds to the seriousness of the apology:

• Slight nod (15°): Casual apology or acknowledgment
• Standard bow (30-45°): Normal polite apology
• Deep bow (70-90°): Very serious apology or show of deep respect

Cultural Note:
In Japan, apologizing doesn't necessarily indicate admission of fault. Saying すみません is often used pre-emptively, similar to "excuse me" in English. It's better to apologize too much than too little, especially in business or formal settings. A sincere apology can go a long way in maintaining good relationships.

Expressing Gratitude

Expressing gratitude appropriately is fundamental in Japanese social interactions. There are various ways to say "thank you," with different levels of formality.

Common Expressions of Gratitude

Japanese expressions of gratitude range from casual phrases used with friends to highly formal expressions reserved for business settings, with varying levels of formality to match different social contexts.

Casual

ありがとう
Friends, family

Standard

ありがとうございます
General polite thanks

More Emphatic

どうもありがとうございます
More heartfelt thanks

Very Formal

誠まことにありがとうございます
Business, formal thanks

Ongoing Gratitude

お世話せわになっております
Business relationships

Examples in Context

Expressing Thanks for Past Favors

When thanking someone for something they did in the past, use the past tense form:

• ありがとうございました
• お世話せわになりました

Physical Gestures When Thanking

As with apologizing, expressing thanks in Japan often comes with a slight bow of the head. The deeper the bow, the more sincere the gratitude being expressed.

Cultural Note:
Japanese people express gratitude frequently, sometimes for things that might seem minor in other cultures. In business settings, thanking someone for their continued support
いつもお世話せわになっております
is a common greeting, even before any actual business is discussed. This focuses on the relationship rather than just the transaction.

Polite Expressions in Daily Life

Beyond the formal grammatical structures, there are many set expressions used in daily Japanese life to maintain politeness and smooth social interactions.

Common Polite Expressions

Greetings and Partings

Before and After Meals

Entering and Leaving

Gift Giving and Receiving

At Work/School

For a cleaner approach with just one row per section, I'll reformat without tables:

Useful Formal Phrases

These phrases are commonly used in business and formal communications in Japanese, and are essential for maintaining proper etiquette in professional settings.

Asking for Understanding

ご理解りかいいただければ幸さいわいです
I would appreciate your understanding

Expressing Appreciation

感謝かんしゃ申し上げます
I express my gratitude

Asking for Cooperation

ご協力きょうりょくのほど、よろしくお願ねがいいたします
I ask for your kind cooperation

Closing Business Emails

何卒なにとぞよろしくお願ねがい申もうし上あげます
I respectfully ask for your consideration

Cultural Note:
These set phrases may seem formulaic, but they are essential for navigating Japanese society smoothly. Even Japanese people who speak casually at home will automatically switch to these expressions in appropriate contexts. They're not considered just mechanical politeness, but actually signal cultural values like consideration for others and maintaining harmony.

When to Use Polite vs. Casual Forms

In Japanese, knowing when to switch between formal and casual language is essential:

Remember that in Japanese culture, it's generally better to start with polite language and then shift to casual language if the relationship develops that way. Starting too casually may be perceived as rude or presumptuous.